So uh, if you recognize yourself here, keep in mind that almost nobody reads my blog and the people that do are mostly Japanese anyway so they probably won't know you
So there's two friends of mine that I'm going to talk about, let's call them Foo and Bar.
I'm really close with Foo (we go back a ways, and they're super sweet and nice!) and have been talking with them a lot lately as they navigate new and unfamiliar waters, as well as deal with burnout from overworking and very high expectations from others. But for some reason I've started having a hard time reading them (usually not a problem) and I'm worried that I might be trying too hard to help.*1 Anyway, Foo is the best and is also precious and must be protected >:0 I love you Foo.
Bar is someone who I knew a while ago and caught up with again earlier this year. They're really creative and weird and I love every single second of it that I have the honor of experiencing. We started talking again sometime earlier in 2021, and then talked a lot for a while. Bar helped me get out of a really bad funk in my life and start exercising my creativity again. We also seem to align with our humor/relatable moments a lot.
However, Bar has become kinda distant recently and I'm worried that I've done something wrong. They said they've been having internet issues which makes sense as their internet kinda sucks. But the small pea of a brain inside my head is telling me that I've either offended them or made them uncomfortable.
I kinda tend to assume the worst when there's actually nothing wrong, so just to be safe, I'm going to wait for a week or two and then apologize just in case. I sometimes have a strong personality so I figure I've probably just worn them out and they need some time away, but they don't want to tell me in case I might take it the wrong way.
This kind of thing....well, it's not new to me. When I was younger, I didn't have any friends, but now, well, I just want to be a good friend to all of my friends. But I'm constantly worried about being overbearing*2, misreading signals, and also about overcompensating. You can tell when I start editing my messages constantly to rephrase them...
If you're reading this and know me well, keep in mind that I'm as dumb as a rock when it comes to this stuff, so please communicate clearly and honestly to me if there's something wrong. Over the past few years, I've had a lot of really close friends just suddenly drift away from me and it hurts a lot trying to figure out what I did wrong. I know that it might not have anything to do with me, but (again) I'm pretty dumb so please be patient.
I've been thinking more about my present career. I can do it, but... well, things have been feeling like there are no real triumphs or successes. Once a thing is done, it's done.... It's been hard for me to keep up sometimes. I want to do something where I can exercise more creativity, like writing code or web design. Or updating and maintaining legacy systems for a company in Japan.
I made my first commit in about two weeks to Sudo Haiku for some bugfixes. One fixed an annoying thing where paragraphs had no real visual separation.
Well, that's all for today. Have a nice day :)
*1:Sometimes I have problems reading people, though not as badly as I used to. Unfortunately, I will end up overcompensating trying to make sure I'm being self-aware but then that makes things worse because I'll end up psychoanalyzing myself and second-guessing everything I do...meh.
*2:Sometimes, I think, my personality is a bit on the strong side. If I feel comfortable around you, I tend to be kinda silly and a bit random. Once an old friend told me that they really hoped that someday I would find someone that "could match my energy"...I certainly appreciated her candidness.