Heavy rains and faith tested
Entry for August 11th, 2021
This entry is backdated...Yesterday was a long day.
Heavy rains
It's been raining heavily on and off all day, and my basement's started flooding again. My kitchen ceiling started dripping again as well.
Faith tested
I'd prefer not to get into too much detail here, but my faith was tested today. It was difficult, but things turned out alright. It's been repeatedly tested over the past few months, even the past few years.
Later on I talked to some close friends of mine to help reset my mind a bit.
The storm started raging. I drove out to the Meijer parking lot and ate dinner, connected to a friend a thousand miles away, watching the lightning flash as the storm passed through.
The rains came back later, and I was up until 3 AM trying to funnel water towards the drain in the basement.
Exploring soundfonts and MIDI + relisten to Todd Eckhardt's 2014 sermon on love
Soundfonts
I've been digging into soundfonts because of a friend who's making a Pokémon Minecraft map. I previously offered to help make a resource pack but also had the idea that it'd be super cool to render her MIDI using a real Pokémon soundfont! So, over the past day or two I've thrown myself into researching how programs like VGMTrans export the soundfonts in SF2 and DLS formats, and how sound banks work in the SDAT format (proprietary format for music and sound effects used in Nintendo DS games and stored in the ROM's FS - aka NitroFS).
After a lot of hacking and soul-searching, I've made a fair bit of progress in creating a composite soundfont across the four different banks used by BGM in Pokémon Diamond. The next task is going to be a difficult one, but I need to edit the soundfont to label all of the instruments so that it's easy for my friend to find the ones she wants to use. Finally, after all this is said and done, we'll be able to create a really cool experience on her Minecraft map.
Sermon notes: a recap of Todd Eckhardt's July 22nd, 2014 sermon on love at ERC
Preacher: Todd Eckhardt
We are drawn to things that are "better".
Paul has the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to tell us that there's a more excellent way to live: the beauty of the all the body together. He's trying to bring the body of Christ together.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-2 ESV
Consider: Perhaps our faith is stronger when we love more
If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:3 ESV
Paul continues to tell us what love is.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV
(Anecdote: In heaven there'll be plenty of need of choir leaders, though none for preachers.)
When perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:11-12 ESV
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV
THAT is an excellent way to live.
But what's not in here about love?
Paul isn't referring to emotions here. It doesn't include any of that.
Paul isn't referring to emotions or romance when he speaks of love.
Why do we expect a loveless world to make decisions based upon the love of God?
Indeed, the idea of love in our world is so self-centered that we miss the idea of perfect love.
(Wesley: had a concept of 'perfect love')
God died to restore a broken relationship with those who He loved.
It's interesting that when we think of love, we only think about what we're getting.... when true love is all about what we're _giving_.
* * *
Pleasure is not the same as love
(Plenty of times we're not pleased with people we love)
(C.S. Lewis: said that when true love really happens, it draws us to make promises to each other)
We willingly enter into covenants because of love, the promise of purity before your mate, and many more, things we didn't even think of.
* * *
The Bible is a love story about a God who is willingly entering into a covenant for the ones He loves: because it's love, it's driven by the promises that He's made!
God isn't stiff-arming us here. Nobody's getting to heaven kicking and screaming.
God will not force us to reciprocate His love. In fact, when it's forced, it ceases to be love.
A major component of love is... choice. And so, God made his creation with the ability to reject it. And... we DID. And we DO. And yet God still loves on and on.
A major component of love is jealousy. Not envy. If you suspect unfaithfulness, it hurts.
God is a jealous God: we are not made to be shared with other gods. "This one is mine, hands off!"
When we commit to loving God, we replace that self-love that we have! And what a love it is: it's patient, kind.....it perseveres.
Love holds on.
***
Pleasure in love is not consistent, it comes and goes..
(Lewis: "Promising to feel good about somebody is like promising to never get a headache.")
What we can control, however, is the will of the heart: "Good days or bad days, I'm in this."
In our worst days and the days we're at our worst, love never fails. Love holds on, and the reason we hold on is only because of love!
Jesus expressed his love over Jerusalem even as he knew what lay ahead for him ("as a mother hen gathers her chicks")
Love never asks us to compromise who we are or what we believe. It never puts us in positions of awkwardness.
If anyone ever asks you to compromise in the name of love, it has NOTHING to do with love.
The love of Jesus Christ is so pure and so holy that Paul says that love is the greatest of all of these!
Love is not self-seeking: for proof, simply look at the Cross.
* * *
Let's not focus of the horizontal love, but the vertical. Where is our love for God? Is this book just a killjoy book shoved in my face? Is it just too hard to understand? Is it tedious....or is it a love story, about a God making a covenant with His people whom He loves?
All in all...
What a great sermon. There's another one that I've been searching for, also from ERC, about love -- one that I remember up until today and would really love to re-listen to: about what love is and how it manifests. Hopefully I can find it sometime again.
Wanderlust is brewing, and thoughts about striving to become more perfect
Entry for August 9th, 2021
I just wrote 4-5 other blog entries to catch up. Since I backdated them, I suggest reading back if you want to see them. The one from yesterday has a particularly large amount of thought put into it about my walk in faith.
Wanderlust
I've started feeling restless at home again, and have been thinking about expanding my horizons once again. Unfortunately, the state of my finances has once again made itself known, so I'm left spending unusual amounts of time poking around gas-usage calculators and flight booking websites getting nothing much done.
There is one place in particular that's caught my fancy lately: Glacier National Park, a place of immense natural beauty. I also have a friend that lives kinda pretty close to there, though I question the wisdom of inviting myself to crash on their couch. Haha
Besides airfare, there's also things like car rental, day-to-day groceries, laundry and probably where I'd actually be able to set up my laptop and do work out of (I could take time off, but I'm always hesitant to do so since I usually have to save it up all year) Not being the most experienced traveller, I'm not super great at planning trips out myself so I figure the best thing to do is work on selling more of my things to pay down debt until I'm no longer $3000 in the hole.
Maybe a trip to the Appalachian Mountains in Pennsylvania would be a better option. I could rent a little cabin and wake up in the morning, look out on some stunning vista that I never previously imagined existing, listen to the wildlife and enjoy the cold morning air as I make myself toast or a sandwich or heat up canned soup over a fire.
Work
I was working hard today. That's about it.
Dinner
I walked to a local diner and had a triple decker grilled cheese sandwich. Yummy, but I probably got twice the # of calories back then I burned off.
Discussion
I had a really interesting discussion with a friend about the act of continual striving towards what may at first seem like a futile goal: perfection.
A key thought of mine in this regard was:
Being imperfect beings as we are, our relationship with perfection is an asymptotic one. The only person that embodies true perfection is God, but we can still get infinitely closer to it being made in His image.
So it's almost like having the goal post constantly moved except that every time we reach it we score so it's not bad.
One of the points was my concern about the concept of "good enough" as it relates to spiritual and character development.
My thoughts:
I'm wondering if that specific take could actually interfere with following the path God's laid out for us to completion: perhaps establishing a point of "good enough" might interfere with reaching the "even better" just around the corner
Well, that's all. Goodnight!
Tried another church today. Good message, difficult worship
Entry for August 8th, 2021
Church
This morning I went to a place called Faith Church in Lansing. The church is based upon the Wesleyan Holiness tradition which is something I'm very familiar with because of Eaton Rapids Campmeeting. I was hoping that the message would satisfy my spiritual hunger.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Matthew 5:6 (NIV)
(Thanks to my mom for offering to go there with me after I mentioned I was planning on going there on Sunday morning. It was nice having her with me.)
The message was pretty good, dealing with the necessity of baptism as a public profession of faith. This was interesting to me -- growing up in the Lutheran church, I went through Confirmation as a public profession of faith, and was baptized as a young child. This is one of those times where the different variations of traditions between denominations pop up.
However, the worship was very difficult for me. The music was the more modern stuff, which I don't mind, however the volume was very loud and I couldn't even hear my voice, having to strain to tell if there was even sound coming out my mouth. It was difficult and hurt, and felt unfulfilling. It didn't feel like it fulfilled any purpose of preparing me to receive the message, either.
I personally prefer older hymns/songs - this kind of song suits the vocal range that I have and honestly feels like a much more fulfilling way to lift my voice before God.
Anyway, the sermon was pretty decent. I was intrigued by the promise of the upcoming sermons to explore deeper and lesser-studied topics/stories. After having to deal with sermonettes for a long time, this was a very exciting thing to hear!
On one hand, I may suck it up and deal with the overpowering praise band for this reason alone. On the other hand, is it really healthy for me spiritually to not be able to fulfill my desire to bring a joyful song before the Lord? Honestly, I have no clue what to do, except continue to seek a church home.
The sermon notes that I took are below:
Sermon notes
Faith Church, Lansing, August 8, 2021
"About That…"
Pastor Kirk Proctor
What is baptism?
Baptism is not necessary for salvation. Is it important? Yes, 100%. It's the first step of obedience after accepting Christ. However, we are saved by faith alone.
Baptism is an external celebration of an internal transformation.
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.
Romans 6:1-4 ESV
Because God is perfect, the standard to get into heaven is to be perfect. But how then can we get into heaven?
"Double Transfer":
- We transfer our sins to Jesus
- He transfers his righteousness and right-standing before God to us
What if we were baptized as an infant, before we were Christ-followers? That action was our parents dedicating themselves to raising us in Christ.
Baptism is also an illustration of the gospel of Jesus!
Because of Christ, sin no longer has mastery over us!
Why do I need to be baptized?
1. To follow the example of Christ
But Jesus answered him, “Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he consented.
Matthew 3:15 ESV
It's significant to make this public profession.
2. Because Jesus has commanded it
Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.” Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Acts 2:36-38 ESV
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them inthe name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Matthew 28:19-20 ESV
There is a LIE that Satan tells, that our sin disqualifies us from being baptized
3. To publicly identify with Christ
To identify with somebody is to work out how we are unified with another (story: the different gifts from children to father based on the basis of their relationships with each other)
Acts 2:38 emphasis:
> [...] in the name of Jesus Christ [...]
Your identity is now Christ-follower and no longer lies in or is derived from the world
Baptism is illustrating this for us: identification with Christ.
Examples in Acts:
Acts 8:15-16
who came down and prayed for them that they might receive the Holy Spirit, 16 for he had not yet fallen on any of them, but they had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.
Acts 10:48
And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked him to remain for some days.
Acts 19:4-5
And Paul said, “John baptized with the baptism of repentance, telling the people to believe in the one who was to come after him, that is, Jesus.” On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.
There is no concept of the unbaptized believer in the Gospel. "Unbaptized" and "believer" are oxymorons!
(List of examples: oxymorons - humorous example here haha... Starting with diet ice cream and ending with unbaptized believer)
In Scripture, the concept of "unbaptized believer" does not exist.
There's often a significant social cost to being baptized in the NT. In the times of old you would be cast out from the Jewish synagogue, your business will be scorned, you could be killed.
Even today, in the underground churches in East Asia, baptism occurs with the understanding that it can and will put your life in danger.
***
Make baptism a priority.
When we go to be baptized, things tend to come up to get in the way. Expect it to happen.... Don't be caught off guard.
***
(Story: the baptism of one of the pastors)
He was baptized when younger, but even then, his life after that didn't reflect Jesus. Despite aiming to become a pastor, he wasn't consistently walking in faith. Now, after years, he's still felt convicted about getting re-baptized. Leading from this, he's going to do this next week!
ENDING NOTE: If we relate to this story - if we were pressured or were just doing it without understanding, then we ought to do it!
Bike ride
I went out on a big long bike ride today, going all the way to MSU and back. I had a couple difficulties: I don't have a headphone jack on my phone so I had to use my half-charged iPhone to listen to music and it died partway through. I stopped at Insomnia Cookies but wasn't paying attention and ordered too much ice cream:
I got a paper bag for it and tried to rush home, but unfortunately the bag developed a hole and I lost the ice cream somewhere on my way home. R.I.P ice cream, I barely knew ye.
I also stopped at the W.J. Beal Botanical Garden at MSU:
On my way home, I ran into some interesting creatures. Here we have some kind of mouse who seems to be having a peculiar problem:
I also ran into a turtle in the middle of the path. I wrote a little story (in Japanese) about our interaction here on Sudo Haiku:
h.sudo.ne.jpOverall I rode a healthy number of miles and had a decent time.
Enjoying nature with a morning walk
Entry for August 7th, 2021
Forest walk
I went on a short morning walk on my parent's forest trail.
I dream of one day being able to afford a house with this much natural beauty. In the early morning, there are many verdant green colors and a quiet (almost surreal) atmosphere.
Afternoon walk
A close friend of mine was encouraging me to take more frequent walks for my health, so I took one to the nature center down the road from my parent's house. It was pretty hot and there were plenty of bugs to be found, so before long I was sweating up a storm (I didn't have the forethought to pack a pair of shorts). Once I got there, I realized there was an event going on -- a wedding, I think -- so I turned around and walked back. It was about two miles in all.
Efficient day at work, with some bird-spotting.
Entry for August 6th, 2021
Dream
I had a dream where I convinced my dad to allow me to go with him to Japan along with another friend. So we all got on motorcycles and, after a lot of preparation, drove for a while until we reached the parking lot where we were waiting for someone to come along to take our stuff to the airport while we went separately, I'm not sure why this was the case but they never showed up. Eventually I fell asleep inside of the dream and woke up to see them leaving without me. Then I woke up in real life.
My parent's cat, Tanner, was sleeping next to me.
Morning before work
I put up my feet and Tanner decided to join me. My parents have a lovely porch area, so I sat out there for a little while.
Work
I set up my laptop and did remote work. The environment was much nicer than my home, so things were completed much more efficiently. I also saw some birds outside.
House-sitting again
Entry for August 5th, 2021
House-sitting
After work I went over to my parents house to house-sit while they're on a vacation. It's very peaceful and nice there.
Emotions
The deep sense of loneliness that I have every so often has returned, and I was really struggling for a lot of the day with a lot of worries and wonders about my purpose in the world.
Dinner
Spinach pizza
